I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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