She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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