First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
