I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
