everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
