Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
