im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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