Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
