Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
