I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
