just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The air taste purple.
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