Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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