i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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