Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
