Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
