She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
