He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize