OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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