like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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