I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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