DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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