I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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