I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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