Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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