is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
