You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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