I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
