He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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