Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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