cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
