Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
