I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
