Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
