Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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