you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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