remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
