exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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