i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
