At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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