"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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