Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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