Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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