He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
