Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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