Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
