i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
