Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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