evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
