She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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