I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
