This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
