Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
