I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
