Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
