In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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