The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
