just tell him i said nine months
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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