Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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