Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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