After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
