Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
