Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
