my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
