I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish i was in the wii world.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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