My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
