i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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