I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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