Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
