Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
