God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
